but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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