It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
