omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
