my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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