we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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