I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All the doctor said was why
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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