When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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