i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Edward fifth and chaser hands
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
