i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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