fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
