Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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