there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
