Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My liver just broke up with me...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
