The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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