Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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