Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
