Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
