areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He passed out mid-signature
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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