tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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