If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
