you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
