my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
