You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
