So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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