Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
