i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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