he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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