Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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