The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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