i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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