$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
