I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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