In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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