how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
