peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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