Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize