I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
