are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
