boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
