if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize