it was like his penis was on wheels.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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