I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
