I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
