i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
