craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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