kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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