My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
