My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
