every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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