never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
