You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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