I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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