he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
