remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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