I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
