He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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