When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
