We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wrigley field is MILF paradise
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
