I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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