im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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