this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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