It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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