You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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