I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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